Mad for Plaid

Cate Mezyk - February 26, 2014

Wild About Parties and Diamonds! Need I say more?

Cate Mezyk - February 28, 2014

I Need You

Cate Mezyk - February 27, 2014
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Recently, my heart was broken.

Broken not for myself, but for women – and how we treat other women.

Let me give you the back story. Two blogging friends of mine wrote articles that resonated with women in such a way that they were shared time and time again, and spread around the world.

My sweet friend Cari wrote We Can’t Be Friends, on the authenticity of friendship and the importance of being real with each other.

Tracy wrote a letter to Nordstrom about a pillow, on the messages we see and what we let slide.

They were both written well and from the heart. And many people loved them.

But oh – the way so many people tore them to shreds. And the way commenters tore each other to shreds. It broke me. The unkindness. The cruelty. The needlessness of it all.

Here’s the thing: we are more alike than we are different. When we start screaming at each other that our opinions are better than others, that you must be wrong because I sure cannot be anything but right, that I must hurt you to be heard, we are missing out on potentially beautiful connections.

Cari and I are  different. She is an introvert. I recharge by being with others. We could let this difference get in the way of our friendship.

But our oldest and youngest girls are the same age. We have similar parenting philosophies. Like me, she has a heart for missions and for making an impact on the world for good. Our faith connects us. We both love Zumba… the list goes on.

We have more in common than we do not. And I would miss out by overlooking her because she is quieter than I.

Tracy and I are different. She is an atheist. My faith is an integral part of my life. I could dismiss her because of this difference.

But we both have our babies entering kindergarten this fall. Each of us loves photography, fashion, and writing. We have histories with eating disorders that makes us think about the way we parent our girls. And wine – we both love that.

We have more in common than we do not. And I would miss out by overlooking her because she doesn’t share my faith.

When we scream at others that they are in the wrong, that our belief set is right, we miss out. We miss finding deeper connections.

We need one another.

I have never been reminded of that more than this past year.

A year in which I had several deaths in the family and had to rely on other women to care for my children as I caught last minute flights out to mourn.

A year in which I had surgery and was forced into a two week bed rest. Two weeks of relying on other women to get my children where they needed to be. To feed them. To clothe them. And to care for me.

I need other women in my life.

I cannot be the person who looks at the lady passing me in the Target aisle and picks her apart in my mind, because if I do, I may be missing out on another potentially beautiful connection.

Don’t be that person either. I don’t want you missing out.

flowers from friendsThe flowers my friends have given me while on bed rest are completely different from one another. But each one is beautiful, right? Let’s look for the beauty in one another.

It’s worth it, I promise.

 

31 comments

  1. Wonderfully written! What a fabulous post to begin my day. Exactly how I feel but expressed through words so well. Lets all just be kind to one another and focus on our commonalities rather than always fighting our differences! THANK YOU!

  2. And now I start my morning in tears. But happy tears. Women need to build each other up instead of breaking each other down – THIS my friend, is so eloquently and openly put. Love this. And you. xoxo

    1. Tracy, I’m so glad that it made you cry happy tears, and not the opposite. I did wonder if I should’ve mentioned ahead of time that I was including you in today’s post! 🙂 Happy we can overlook our differences today and find commonality.

  3. Cate, this is beautiful!
    I absolutely agree with you. There is too much hatred and bitterness in the world, friends should be there to hold each other up from all that, not be part of all that hate.

    Signed,
    Alison, friend of Tracy’s who couldn’t be more different and same as her

  4. what a beautiful post. i never understood mean comments. if you don’t have something nice to say, just don’t comment, right?? i couldn’t agree more…what a great first blog post to read this morning!

  5. You spoke my heart! It is mind boggling to me, how hiding being a keyboard, women tend to be the cruelest of all bullies to each other. The cruel words, remarks, ugly sarcasms, taunts..there’s no end to it. I am pretty sure though, that among those mean/hate comments, only may be 10 are like that in real life. Half of them just say things they do because they know they can get away with it and not be held accountable, and that is sad. We should be accountable for everything we say/do, whether online or in real life. Its like many of us lead a parallel life online which is devoid of conscious, self aware and humanitarian grounds. If you really really want to how mean, nasty women can get, take a look at GOMI and you will know what I mean. Its a hot bed for discussion bloggers and some of these women are outright nasty, while some actually offer meaningful criticism. Oh well..I hope we own up for what we do, someday.

  6. I have to take the time to read both of the posts you recommend. I don’t know why women love beating up other women so much. I will never understand it. And it is our differences that make us better and each of us who we are!

  7. Yes! Social media allows us to easily connect with others. We should be using this to our advantage to build stronger and healthier communities, both online and offline. How can we get anywhere by putting each other down? Thank you for sharing your thoughts! This was a good read at the start of a new day!

  8. So very true Cate! We women are all trying in our own way to be the best us as moms, as daughters, as wives and as friends, so being there by uplifting, supporting and having an open mind when it comes to our differences, we all win! We gain knowledge, understanding and a sweet and loving friendship that we easily could have overlooked because we assumed and judged! Thanks for sharing about a subject we all can ponder and relate to in one way or another!

  9. You have a gift of writing Cate!! Beautiful! I surely don’t understand those who are so hateful and demeaning. I can only think they are miserable inside

  10. What a beautiful post and so true, every bit of it resonates with me. I have a zero tolerance policy for meanness on my blog. I reserve the right to moderate every comment and not allow anything mean to be published. We need to preserve some places of positivity and encouragement on the web. I love everything I’ve seen on your blog, especially this!

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  12. What a beautifully written post, Cate. So thoughtful and filled with wisdom on how we CHOSE to think about others. It’s called mercy and grace, and we need to live in it every day. Thanks for your thoughts.

    Love,
    Mary

  13. I’ve recently been thinking about how cruel we can when we hide behind a computer screen. It’s so true we have more in common than we know.

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