Gifts 4 Change – With A Giveaway!

November 3, 2014

Pity Party for One

November 5, 2014


November 4, 2014
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Alright, brace yourselves.

I’m about to say something controversial.

I know a lot of you won’t agree with what I have to say, but please – hear me out. And hear my heart in it for you.

I think you should dress to please your significant other.

Yep. I know, I know. You’re an independent woman, you don’t live in the 1950s, you don’t need a man to tell you what you can and can’t wear. I gotcha. And you’re totally right.


One of the things that I want for each and every one of you is to live a life where you are wildly passionate about your spouse. Where he is wildly passionate about you.

And part of the turn on, like it or not, is physical.

I want you (and me!) to still be crazy for your husband years from now when you’re old and gray. And it’s easy for us to say, “Love should be enough. He should love for me who I am. He took a vow to love me for better or worse. We love Jesus, and people who love Jesus will always love each other.” And while that should be true, it’s a load of baloney if you want to remain together.

I love my husband like crazy. But it takes work to be in a relationship that’s thriving. Not all of our 12 years together have been made up of sunshine and roses. It takes an effort.

I talked about this a bit in this post – how he goes off to an office each and every day in a space filled with professionally dressed women. He travels for work, and attends conferences and trade shows in rooms filled with professionally dressed women. He goes out at night for dinner while traveling, and there are restaurants filled with attractive, well dressed women.

Who do I want him thinking about when he’s away? Me. Not me in my sweatpants. Me, his wife who takes time to put herself together. I remember putting thought into everything I wore when we were first dating. I wanted him to find me attractive. Why would I stop when he put a ring on my finger?

I’m not saying that every day has to be a runway show. And I’m not encouraging you to be a slave to fashion. And I’m DEFINITELY not saying that if he strays, it’s your fault because you didn’t put on enough cute outfits. But find out what he likes you in. And make an effort to wear it. Because doing what you can to continue to have the hots for each other is worth it.

I often write about how my husband thinks half of what I wear is nutty. And I wear them anyway, because I like them. Ed HATES my bird shirt. Like, seriously, loathes it. So I got rid of it. I wear what I want, but I also try to accommodate his likes.

And for heaven’s sake – encourage your hubby to reciprocate. If he never puts effort into himself, that’s no fun for you either. Both of you should take the time to wear what the other finds attractive, because you should want to want him, and he should want to want you, and there are too many distractions in this world to not put the work into fighting to keep your passion alive.

buffalo check top and a faux fur vest with skinnies and a brightly colored shoebuffalo check top and a faux fur vest with skinnies buffalo check top and a faux fur vest with skinnies and a brightly colored shoebuffalo check top and a faux fur vest with skinnies and a brightly colored shoebuffalo check top and a faux fur vest with skinnies and a brightly colored shoebuffalo check top and a faux fur vest with skinnies and a brightly colored shoebuffalo check top and a faux fur vest with skinnies buffalo check top and a faux fur vest with skinnies and a brightly colored shoe

 shoes – TOMS c/o Apricot Lane, jeans – J Crew, bracelet – The Vintage Gypsy, top – c/o Flaunt Accessories, vest – Banana Republic (similar – nearly identical), earrings – Wild Ruffle Shop (available by special request or at our upcoming shop opening!)

Linking with Pleated Poppy, Shanna

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  1. I hear your heart loud and clear. As usual it is tender, brave and loyal to what you stand for. And, I couldn’t be standing closer to you on this topic. Well said and not an easy topic to write about.

  2. I totally get this and I support it! I always feel better when I know my husband likes my outfit – I like getting dressed up for date nights and he puts in the same effort and it makes me feel good too. I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to dress for your spouse! Great post!

  3. I think there needs to be a happy medium. It has to be something I like as well. If Chris wanted me in a vinyl catsuit and 6″ heels every day, I think I’d have to object! But I get what you are saying. Having said that, Chris sees me in sweats and tank (no bra) far more than he sees me dressed up!

  4. That’s all well and good, but the reality is, everyone ages. As you approach and pass 35, real aging will set in and a woman can try as hard as she can but will never be able to compete with a young 20 something’s look. As more time passes, a day will come when you just don’t do it for your husband anymore (through no fault of your own) and Viagra won’t help. This depresses a lot of women and ruins a lot of marriages. I suppose you can say use what you have while you have it, but it is also important to acknowledge that there are limits to what you can do and you can’t just rely on having your SOs eye all the time, throughout the course of his life. You will have to work hard to develop other parts of yourself to remain relevant in his eyes and to the cruel eyes of society. If you think too much about your look, when the day comes when you can’t do much about it anymore, it can crush you. I think. Like I said, you can only do what you can do…

    1. Definitely! I don’t think it’s just a matter of looks. I guess for me, it’s more about caring for myself. I want to put that effort in because I’m worth it, and I want him to remember I’m worth the effort. And since I’ve already passed 35, I guess I’ve already passed my prime. 😉

      1. 35? Oh my goodness, I’m in trouble! I’m 51 and still make an effort to look nice every day that goes by! My friends do too. We dress casually but well. We exercise and are aware that there are many things you can do to slow the aging process. Yes my boobs are heading south but that’s what bras are for! Yes there are wrinkles here and there but I say smile and let them be wrinkles that come from a happy face rather than frowning. Aging definitely happens whether we want it to or not but your attitude has so much to do with it. Exercise, good food, a good life, and a little style sense make a huge difference. I hope that Anonymous doesn’t feel defeated already. By the way, I exercise with a beautiful 70 year old woman in my Zumba class who says she’s not ready for the rocking chair. 🙂

  5. Also, as you age, if you try to dress too young to compete with what 20 something wears, you will be compared to them in the mind…which can make you naturally appear haggard and terrible in comparison. Skinny jeans and a lot of makeup won’t always work. The progression of life has to be accepted.

  6. I totally agree!! I have a long way to go, but since I started blogging, my husband has noticed that I am taking time to get dressed. He said he was tired of seeing me in running pants. I don’t think it is old fashioned to please your spouse. When you love someone, it is an honor to please him. Great post and great yellow shoes! Susan

  7. Love this outfit on you! The fur is fabulous, love it in black and with the pop of yellow. I have been with my hubby for 16 yrs, 13 married. I know it takes work! Sometimes I tell him that I wish relationships were always like that frist time meeting, the excitement or pleasure of just waiting to see that person. I do like to dress up, and want him to notice me as welll. I think I have converted my hubby to as he is making a concerted effort to dressing up more as well.
    from the link up,

    please stop by, jess xx

  8. This outfit is perfection!
    And both my hubby and I care about the way we look – not just for each other, but in general. I can’t really see a time, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and beyond when either of us would change that. We also both love to shop so there’s that. 😉

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